Many families start dementia care on their own, driven by love and a commitment to keeping their loved one at home. But dementia is progressive, and the demands of care increase over time. What was manageable in the early stages may become overwhelming in the middle and later stages.

Knowing when to ask for help is not a sign of failure. It is a sign that you understand what good care requires. This article describes signs that more support is needed and the options available.

Signs That More Support Is Needed

You Are Not Sleeping

Sleep deprivation is one of the most common and most serious signs. If your loved one wanders at night, needs the bathroom frequently, or becomes agitated after dark, you may be getting only a few hours of broken sleep. Chronic sleep deprivation affects your health, your judgment, and your ability to provide care.

Your Loved One's Safety Is at Risk

If your loved one has wandered, fallen, left the stove on, or had other safety incidents, the current level of supervision is not enough. Safety is the threshold. Once it is crossed, more support is needed immediately.

Your Own Health Is Suffering

Caregiving takes a physical and emotional toll. If you are experiencing:

✓Chronic exhaustion
✓Depression or anxiety
✓Your own health problems that you are neglecting
✓Weight loss or gain
✓Frequent illness

Your body is telling you that the current situation is not sustainable.

Your Loved One Needs More Help With Daily Activities

As dementia progresses, your loved one may need help with:

✓Bathing and dressing
✓Using the bathroom
✓Eating
✓Transferring from bed to chair
✓Walking

If you are providing all of this care yourself, it is a lot. A caregiver can take on some or all of these tasks.

Behavioral Symptoms Are Escalating

If your loved one is:

✓More agitated or aggressive
✓Wandering more frequently
✓Experiencing more severe sundowning
✓Having hallucinations or paranoia
✓Resisting care

These behaviors are difficult to manage alone, especially over time.

You Are Feeling Resentful or Angry

It is normal to feel frustrated when caring for someone with dementia. But if you find yourself frequently angry, resentful, or losing your temper, you need a break. These feelings do not mean you do not love your loved one. They mean you are overwhelmed.

Other Family Members Are Affected

If your caregiving responsibilities are affecting your marriage, your children, or your work, it is time to reassess. Good care for your loved one should not come at the cost of your other relationships and responsibilities.

You Cannot Leave the House

If you cannot leave your loved one alone for even a few hours, you are isolated. Isolation leads to depression and burnout. A caregiver who comes for a few hours a week can give you time to run errands, see friends, or simply rest.

Options for More Support

In-Home Dementia Care

A caregiver trained in dementia care can help with:

✓Personal care: bathing, dressing, grooming, toileting
✓Meal preparation and feeding
✓Medication reminders
✓Mobility and transfers
✓Companionship and engagement
✓Safety supervision, including wandering prevention
✓Nighttime supervision

Care can be scheduled for a few hours a week, a few hours a day, or around the clock. Many families start with a few hours and increase as needs change.

Respite Care

Respite care gives family caregivers a break. It can be:

✓In-home respite: A caregiver comes to the home so you can leave or rest
✓Short-term residential respite: Your loved one stays in a care community for a few days or weeks

See our article on the benefits of respite care for more.

Overnight Care

If nighttime is the hardest part, overnight care can help. A caregiver stays awake through the night to:

✓Help with bathroom trips
✓Manage wandering and agitation
✓Respond to falls or emergencies
✓Give you a full night of sleep

The GUIDE Program

If your loved one is enrolled in Medi-Cal and has a dementia diagnosis, the GUIDE program may provide additional support, including:

✓Care coordination
✓Caregiver support and education
✓24/7 access to a care line

See our GUIDE dementia care program page for more.

Support Groups

Support groups, whether in person or online, provide a place to share experiences with other families who understand. The Alzheimer's Association offers support groups throughout the country.

How to Start the Conversation

If you are the primary caregiver and you know you need help, start by talking with family members. Be specific about what you need: "I need someone to come for four hours on Tuesday and Thursday so I can go to my own doctor appointments and run errands."

If family members cannot provide enough help, professional in-home care is the next step. A free care assessment can help you understand what level of support fits and how to get started.

Overcoming Resistance

Some family caregivers resist asking for help because they feel guilty or believe no one else can care for their loved one as well as they can. But:

✓A trained caregiver may actually provide better care for some tasks, because they have training and experience you do not
✓Your loved one may respond better to a caregiver than to a family member for personal care tasks, because the caregiver is not a family member
✓Getting help allows you to focus on being a family member, not just a caregiver
✓Burned-out caregivers cannot provide good care. Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your loved one

See our article on family caregiver burnout signs for more.

A Final Note

There is no medal for doing it all alone. The best care for someone with dementia is care that is sustainable over the long term. That means getting help before you reach a breaking point, not after.

If you would like help caring for a loved one with dementia, Healthy at Home offers a free care assessment. Our dementia-trained caregivers can help, from a few hours a week to daily visits.

When a Family Caring for Someone With Dementia Needs More Support